3:00a.m. Reflecting...

I am sitting at my computer at 3:00am unable to sleep. I was woken around midnight by a text message my husband received from our friends, Matt & Debbie Musgrave. They are at the hospital and the delivery of their baby is quickly approaching (they were due Oct. 1st). When I heard this news, there was no way I could fall back asleep. Not only is it hard to sleep in my 39th week of pregnancy (contractions and baby kicking), I was too excited for our friends and then couldn't stop thinking about when our labor would start...where would we be? how will it all unfold? will I have to be induced? My mind raced. Which led me to my computer (by way of the toilet first).

At this hour there is not much to read on the internet, as most news sites are not updated until the morning. I found myself browsing through friends' blogs (and their friends' blogs, etc.) until I got to reading one specific blog that tugged at my heartsrings: http://conorbootheandgirls.blogspot.com/ I read this from start to finish...and cannot stop the tears from flowing. The story of this family got me to thinking about my own.

Mike has been the best husband a girl could ask for. I met him amidst a very difficult time in my life and he was a blessing I had no idea was headed my way. He was and is everything I wanted in a man: funny, kind, generous, loving, patient and devoted. Given how easy he was for me to love, I never imagined we'd be thrown such a curveball so early on in our marriage.

As many of you know, Mike and I struggled to get pregnant for quite some time. Although we did conceive quickly after we married, that pregnancy ended in a very unfortunate miscarriage. It's still a topic I can't quite get through without crying. And then the two years following that led us to many, many tests and doctor visits and heartache in dealing with our infertility. Mike and I attemped artificial insemination four times, to no avail. We sat out several months, as this was a very emotionally trying and very confusing time in our lives. Then we attempted in vitro...with the first attempt unsuccessful and reluctantly tried for a second, and final, attempt. We were not going to go back for a 3rd try...it was too painful and simply just too much to handle. Thank God we kept trying, as it has led us to a beautiful, healthy pregnancy.

The above mentioned blog got me to thinking...will our baby be healthy when we meet her in the upcoming week? Will she have all 10 fingers and 10 toes and be able to breath and thrive on her own? We will have to wait and see, as Mike and I opted NOT to endure any of the prenatal diagnostic testing offered to us. Being sad and let down for two years took its toll on us and we decided we wanted to celebrate the miracle we created instead of dwell on an illness we could not have any control over for those 40 weeks. We chose together that we wanted to spend my 40 weeks pregnant as happy, positive weeks that only the two of us could share and rejoice in. And that, we have. I find myself in Izzy's nursery just daydreaming about the family we are about to start and the journey that has led us here. Although I often times find myself complaining about my sore back, or lack of sleep, or overall discomfort...I truly am tickled and overjoyed every morning when I wake up and look down to discover, all over again, that I'm pregnant! It's a dream come true for me every morning.

Even as I sit here, Isabelle is kicking and squirming in my belly and my body is contracting to prepare for her impending labor. My body has done a remarkable feat: I made a human being. We had visions of her for many years, and now that vision is about to become a dream come true. I honestly didn't know if I would ever be pregnant...and here I am, still.

I know I am emotional right now, after reading that blog...but these last few weeks of waiting gets me to thinking about our journey and how long we waited for this moment to arrive. So when I find myself saying, "I'm ready," or "I can't make it a whole week past my due date!" - I have to keep reminding myself that we waited years for this miracle...and I can wait a few more days to meet her.

"Take these broken wings and learn to fly
All your life
You were only waiting for this moment to arise."

Kelly