Sad, sad day...

This weekend was a sad one for me. You see, we decided a few weeks ago that it was time to find Baxter the Bully another home. We were no longer able to give him the attention he so deserved ever since we added one Isabelle (and one yet-to-be-born babe) to the family. I still VERY much love him...the lack of love wasn't the issue. He just didn't get the playtime he used to: tugging (we took this activity away month before Izzy arrived, so as not to promote aggressive behavior around a baby) and walks (winter walks have been scarce, but even summer walks were diminishing...as we'd walk as a family to the pool for the day, sans dogs). This being said, he was a bit depressed and would act out around the house. We knew it was time.

It broke my heart to have to send out word that we were looking for a new family for my first "baby." I still can't talk about it without getting very upset and breaking down. I screened many phone calls and emails until I found several families worthy of meeting Bax. One family adopted another Bulldog before meeting Baxter, another family stood us up (the audacity), the third family was the family we chose, and the fourth family I had to cancel on due to third family's amazing-ness.

Baxter's new family arrived Friday night with their only child: a 2 year old American Bulldog. Their dog looked EXACTLY like Bax...white with brown spots, brown ears, et al. However, their dog was a good foot taller and 30 pounds heavier. Regardless, as soon as the dogs met...the gal had to stop their meeting for a second to wipe her dog's nose, the dog had a cold. What?! (I have to wipe Baxter's butt daily!) They literally wiped her nose during playtime. Then we got cozy and watched the dogs sniff, bark, play, tug and chase. The couples' eyes were wide and their faces were smiling: their dog needed this activity and playmate. My face read the exact same thing. As I got to know the couple better and learned about their lifestyle...I was believing that this was THE family. They have wanted a English Bulldog for years but couldn't afford one. They have been going through infertility for years to no avail. Baxter was my rock (as well as my husband) during the years and months that I cried myself to sleep due to infertility. It just felt right. We spent about 2 hours with the couple and their dog. After lots of tears, I told them they were exactly who we were looking for. And that I knew Bax would be happy with them. I mean, they let their dog on the couch with them....Baxter's dream!!! :)

After some snuggle time and a deep talk with Bax, I spent the entire night bawling on the phone to my sister. Who cried just as hard with me.

I woke Saturday doing things that only mothers who pack their children for overnight camp do: packing all necessities, cataloging health issues, detailing behaviors, writing emergency contacts (read: vet) and crying my eyes out. I wrote a very long letter to the family explaining how Baxter has been through everything in my adult life with me (divorce, single life, marriage, infertility, birth, etc.) and telling them I hope Baxter can bring them as much joy to their lives. I made a cd of pictures: Baxter's parents, his litter, and his 7 years of life. I made one final trip to the pet store to buy all of his favorite bones and toys. And a tug toy. He's going to tug again. He's going to be so happy.

Mike dropped Baxter off, as I didn't have the heart to go. He said that after he unloaded the bed, the toys, the crate, the food...he put Baxter on his leash and handed him off to his new mommy. They walked away and Baxter never looked back...

My mom wrote me a few weeks ago and said some words that are really helping me get through this. She said anyone that knows me knows how much I love Baxter. It's clear. It's written all over me. And that Baxter knows how much I love him.

Here's to a great new life, Bub...I hope you have so much fun and are so loved that you never look back, but always remember how much I love you.