R.I.P. Baxter...

For those of you that knew Baxter (and even if you didn't I suppose) this email will be a tear jerker & is quite long. Consider yourselves warned, especially if you're a dog lover.

See, I never was a dog person. Ever. It was always cats that I owned. Until Baxter. It wasn't my idea to get a dog. But I went with it. It was a very lonely time in my life and I was grasping for anything to rescue me. And Baxter was it.

When I was most sad and lonely in my adult life, Baxter entered my life. We played together, slept together, ran miles together and even cried together. Believe it or not, he was my rock during some dark hours. Let's just say Baxter was the only thing I wanted from my failed relationship. The other guy kept the couches. I kept the dog. He was all I wanted (the dog that is, not the guy).

So we started our new life together and almost immediately Mikey and Katie dog entered the picture. Baxter now had to share me. But I still loved on him. We still walked, played, cuddled. Fast forward through years of infertility and we now have a toddler that climbed all over Bax and a baby on the way. Our house was quickly becoming crowded and Baxter's needs were becoming greater than what we could provide him. The day finally came to find him a new home. You may remember this sad day.

I asked for no correspondence. I didn't want to know if his new family wasn't working out. Or worse, if they fell in love with him. My heart simply couldn't take any news, good or bad. I received one email a week after Bax left saying he was living the dream: long walks, lots of snuggling and tugging and so much love. That was all I needed.

Over the years I have often wondered how he was doing and if he was still alive (Bullies don't have a long life span and he was born in 2001). Friends and family have inquired about him. But I had no answers...only hoping he was happy and loved.

I found out today that he was exactly that. Here is the email I received from his adopted family:

"With an extremely heavy heart, I wanted to let you know that Baxter passed away very peacefully yesterday evening. I thought you would want to know.

Last week, Baxter started to develop a very runny nose and it seemed as though he had something upper respiratory going on. He also developed a knot on his forehead above his left eye. I took him to the vet on Thursday and it wasn't good news. The knot was a tumor in his skull that was also going into his sinuses, hence the congestion. We talked about our options, and with Baxter's age, we thought that pain management would be the best route. We left the vet with various medicines to keep him comfortable and pain free, thinking that we would have 2 weeks to 2 months of time to give him the happiest time possible.

By Saturday, Brandon and I knew that we didn't have that much time left with him. Baxter began to have a red tint to his runny nose from the tumor invading the sinuses, his breathing became more labored, and you could tell that he was ready to go. That Baxter spark was gone and he was spending a great deal of time trying to console me rather than the other way around. The last thing we wanted was to let him suffer because of our own selfish needs and our not wanting to let him go when he was so ready.

On Monday evening, the vet graciously came to our home and helped us to let him go. Know that it was very peaceful and quick. He stretched out on his bed with his head in my hands. We told him how much we loved him and what a good boy he was and he then he fell asleep very quickly. The doctor said that as quickly as he let go, that he was more than ready and that he probably would have gone on his own in a matter of days.

I want you to know that Baxter's last few days were very happy and very comfortable. He wasn't alone, ever, and enjoyed constant belly rubs and ear scratches. We slept with him in our bed every night. I switched him to a soft food immediately so chewing wouldn't be painful for him. He absolutely loved the soft food. Popcorn was his favorite bedtime snack so we enjoyed a lot of that together. Baxter and I went for a long car ride on Sunday - he loved car rides in the front seat where he could watch all of the cars. On Monday, I made a steak for him for his last dinner and that made him very happy.

We buried Baxter in our backyard where his favorite place to nap in the sun is with his bed, blanky, and of course, his woobie. I want you to know that he was so greatly loved here and ridiculously spoiled. Even though we only had a few years with him, we will miss him so much. It seems as though he had always been a part of our family and there is a huge hole in his spot."

I read the email over and over again through streaming tears. My cup runneth over with the evident love he was given over the years and in his final hours. How fortunate Baxter was to be so loved, so spoiled, so happy. I'm forever grateful for this family that has opened their home and their heart to a dog that meant so much to me. I couldn't have asked for anything more.

 

Maybe all these tears mean I'm a dog lover after all.